Inside of Me
by syphyrangel
Summary: I've known for a long time that there was another person inside me. I've never met him and he only comes out when I'm asleep. G's the only person who's seen him and lived. He let slip once that it had been scary as hell, looking in my eyes.
1. Prologue to Chapter 2

Prologue

I've known for a long time that there was another person inside me. I've never met him and he only comes out when I'm asleep. The first time he came out, I had no idea what was going on. It was actually the day that I met Solo, but that didn't happen until almost midnight. The artificial sun was just starting to fade and I was cornered in an alley with four men advancing on me. Next thing I know, I'm alone in an alley on the other side of the colony, covered in blood. I washed it off in a filthy puddle, and that's how Solo discovered me.

The next time it happened, I was being beaten by an alliance officer in an alliance prison. I woke up on a sweeper's ship. There was blood on my hands. That's how I met G.

It's only happened once more since then. That time I woke up in Deathsythe's cockpit bound for earth. G later told me that I tried to rig 'Sythe with explosives and then I was going to kill everyone involved... including myself.

It was G who first called my 'alter ego' Shinigami. I think he did it to mock me for naming myself the god of Death. He is also the only person who's witnessed it and lived. He let slip once that it had been scary as hell, looking in my eyes. He said it was like he was looking in the eyes of the walking dead... or a cold blooded killer.

My alter ego had served me well in the past. Now, though, I was terrified of him coming out. Heero was there, and Wufei and Sally. I didn't want them to see him, but I wasn't sure I could fight him much longer. We were surrounded- isolated from the rest of our teams and low on ammo.

The enemy rushed us all at once. We got a couple of them down, before we were being forced to our stomachs, flex cuffs being tightened around our wrists. We were dragged into an inner room and the heavy door closed us in. I swore. Loudly.

I don't know how long we were in there, but after some time, the sounds of guns trailed off. It sounded like the preventers were being driven off. We sat in silence a while longer before it was broken by the door grating open. There was a lone man there. He stood there for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the light. Then he smiled and his teeth seemed unnaturally white. He came into the room slowly looking at each of the four of us in turn, before his eyes rested on me. His smile widened into lecherous grin and I felt my face going pale. I knew what was about to happen and I knew it was going to end badly... Shinigami was going to surface.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I growled, shuffling awkwardly away as the man approached me. I was caught off guard when he leaped on me. I lashed out in any way could: kicking, thrashing, biting if I could. Bound as I was, I was at an extreme disadvantage. I was thrown to my stomach and I growled as I felt a hand fumble with my pants, "You're gonna die!" I hissed. And that's all I remember.

Chapter 1

Heero had been fighting his bonds so desperately that he could feel blood flowing freely down his fingers and his ankles felt raw under his cargos. He got the feeling that the others were in the same situation.

When Duo went limp under the man, Heero's breath caught in his throat. He wasn't sure what had happened, but surely Duo couldn't have passed out.

The man huffed in disgust and backed away. He stared at Duo for a long minute and then grabbed hold of Duo's collar, dragging him up of the ground. He dealt a backhanded slap which resounded loudly in the small room. Duo's head snapped to the side but other than that, he didn't respond in the least. The man scoffed and dropped him and turned to look at the rest of us. After staring at each of us in turn, his gaze fell on Wufei instead. The look on Wufei's face might have been priceless in a less dire situation.

Wufei growled deep in his throat, like a dragon for which his clan had been named.

The man chuckled, "Oh don't be like that," he chided in a smug voice, "It'll go easier if you at least try to relax." He moved towards Wufei and Wufei, true to his martial artist roots, somehow managed to deliver a heavy kick with his two bound feet. The man hit the wall with a meaty smack, alongside a crack, when his head hit too.

He recovered quickly and launched at Wufei, managing to avoid a second kick and grabbing the smaller young man by the throat and forcing him to the ground, choking the life out of him. Sally screamed Wufei's name and Heero renewed his struggles, cutting his wrists more.

Heero didn't see where it came from, but suddenly a shadow stood behind the man, who seemed to sense something behind him. Hand still around Wufei's throat, the man turned and looked up at the figure behind him. Duo stood there, head bowed and his eyes shaded. His hands and feet seemed to be free and the flex cuffs sat on the floor, still whole, a few feet away. The man seemed frozen, unsure, perhaps, why things seemed to be changing course so suddenly and dramatically.

Heero didn't even see the great knife in Duo's hand until it flashed, burying itself in the man's face; it was large enough to come out the other side. Duo pulled the blade free with a sharp jerk and blood spattered on all of us. He didn't bother to clean the knife before using it to cut the flex cuffs off of us.

"Duo...?" Sally said, her voice small. Duo seemed to ignore her, as he moved towards the heavy door. He stared at it for a moment and what happened next... Heero didn't know how he would explain it in his report. The door, made of new, hard steel , simply rusted and disintegrated into a fine powder on the ground. Duo led the way, his blade still dripping with blood. When they came upon a small pocket of people, Duo was on them before any of them had a chance to cry out. They were dead in seconds, their blood spattered the walls. Heero noted with some amazement and not a little horror, that each stroke or jab of that blade cut into an artery. Highly effective, but gruesome. He watched as a slash cut the final man's throat and the arc of blood hit the ceiling.

No sooner did the man drop, than Duo was moving again. They ran into people twice more. Men fell like leaves, felled quickly and without a touch of mercy.

When they came out into the light, Duo was covered in blood. He looked back at his comrades – his friends. Sally started crying, Wufei paled and only years of training kept Heero from uttering more that a small gasp. Heero had once looked in the mirror during the war, when his was in his deepest soldier mode. In comparison to Duo's eyes right then, Heero's coldest look was fire. There was no life there, no touch of the spark that drew people to Duo.

"What are you?" Heero was surprised when he heard his voice speak. He didn't remember even opening his mouth.

Duo stared for a moment later, "I am... something you will not understand. I am not Duo and yet I am," he seemed to think for a second before shaking his head. "He will need you when he wakes up," and with that he collapsed into a bloody heap.

Chapter 2

When I woke up, I was leaning against the base of a tree. There was a fire in front of me a little ways and Sally was sitting on the other side tending to it. When she saw that I was awake, she looked up and then looked back down quickly. I stared at her for a second and then looked down in shame. I knew something had happened, and it had scared her. Badly.

The skin on my face felt stiff and when I reached up to rub it, I noticed the blood still covering my hands. It was dry, so I must have been out of it for a while. I rubbed at my hands self-consciously. I didn't want to break the silence between Sally and myself, and it didn't look like she was about to either.

I was starting to feel like I was going to scream if someone didn't talk soon, when Heero and Wufei returned. Wufei actually halted when he saw I was awake and then, grimacing, moved closer to the fire. He turned his back to me, and I'm not even sure he was conscious of doing it. Heero, on the other hand, watched me out of the corner of his eye, like I was about to leap and attack.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, "I- Is there a- any water that I c- can wash with?" I've always stuttered when I'm exceptionally nervous or upset about something. It didn't happen very often, so I was sure that none of my friends had ever heard it before. Heero blinked in what seemed like surprise.

"There is a small lake about 30 meters west," He said. I nodded and stuttered a thank you before getting up and walking away.

When I got to the waterside, I was surprised about how calm it was. A water bird landed in it a few meters away and it seemed as though the ripples dissipated unusually quickly. I shook of the strange feeling and glanced down at my reflection. I saw my eyes widen out of my peripheral vision. I was liberally covered in blood, from head to toe; there was hardly a clean square inch on me. I groaned softly when I saw the mess my hair was in. It was going to take a lot of work to get me clean.

I stared at myself for a long time. I don't know when it happened, but I started feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden and my knees buckled under me. I cried for just a split second, before pulling myself together. I took a deep breath, and tested the temperature of the water which was, conveniently, now within reach. It was warm.

I wanted to get clean, but I didn't want to have to but dirty clothes back on. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of a choice. I stripped everything, undid my hair and plunged into the water. I scrubbed everywhere until I felt raw, taking care to get the blood from under my fingernails and from my hair.

When I was done I went back to the shore and put my dirty clothes back on. Fortunately, being black, they hid most of the blood. They were crisp though.

I lingered for a little longer, braiding my hair carefully and just thinking, before I returned to the camp. Sally would still not look at me, Wufei was studiously avoiding my gaze, and Heero was staring. I came to a halt, taking in their responses. I felt my shoulders slump in defeat and sat down against the tree that I had woke up against. I wouldn't look at anyone and ignored Heero when he told me that the small rabbit they had caught was ready. The silence didn't bother me this time.

We moved out in the morning. It took us two days to get back to habitation, in which time I didn't speak once. I think my silence had started to bring Wufei and Sally around, because I occasionally felt their eyes on me, and when I glanced around I would see them sending me worried glances.

Heero called for a pickup and we sat ourselves at a small picnic table in a little park. At some point, Heero tried to get me to eat something. I guess he had managed to procure some granola bars, or something. I didn't even move.

Before I continue, I suppose I should tell you why I was being so quiet. It's kind of hard to describe. I was ashamed, I guess. That was a part of it at least. I suppose I was also scared. I never said I was a brave person. Brave people don't run and hide, and I'd spent my life doing that. So, yeah, I was scared. Terrified, actually, that they would be afraid of what I could become, or what I was. Basically I was afraid that I would lose them all because of this. I don't think I could handle losing their friendship.

It took nearly an hour before our pickup arrived. We piled into the Preventers issue vehicle. We were en route back to HQ when the driver started looking around in puzzlement, "What is that smell?" he asked. This was a dumb thing to ask because the four of us, excluding myself, had been without a bath for several days. The look Heero gave the driver conveyed this. The man flushed, "No... there's something else... It's... it's really bad." It struck me suddenly and I flushed myself, with horror. My clothes were still covered in blood and the blood was probably starting to decompose. I really should have washed my clothes when I had the chance, but I hadn't wanted to sleep in wet clothing. The driver, having no compassion, opened the windows.

I felt about two inches tall when he finally pulled into HQ. I went straight for the showers, getting myself some Preventers issue sweats and a t-shirt on the way. I had a long shower; I must have stood under the spray for at least an hour. I had a brush in my locker, so I ran it through my hair – the tangles were so bad, I was nearly in tears by the time I was done – and then I re-braided it.

Finally I went to see Une. I hadn't gotten a summons, but I was sure she would want me before I went home. The others were already gone when I knocked on her door, "Come!" she barked from inside.

I opened the door and entered. She watched me, "The others have given their reports," she said and I nodded, "I want you to see Mr. Corman."

I stared at her with wide eyes. This was it, I thought, She wanted me to see the psychiatrist and I was going to end up locked up somewhere 'for my own safety'.

"N-n-n-NO!" Shit, I hadn't stuttered this bad since the destruction of the church, "U-u-Une! P-Please!" I bit my lip and willed myself to calm down enough to talk. "P-Please... Please. Don't m-... Don't make me d-... do this. Please."

Her eyes had narrowed as she listened to me, "I've set it up, Maxwell. It's set for Oh-Nine-Hundred tomorrow. Be there, or I'm going to have to take measures..." she left the threat open.

When I left Une's office I was in a daze. I barely noticed when I nearly ran into Heero, Wufei and Sally. They all had guilty looks on their faces. After I had noticed them however, I couldn't look away. I'm sure my look was accusatory.

"Duo," Sally started to reach for me, and I jerked away so violently I almost stumbled and fell on my ass.

"H-H-H-H..." I stopped myself, took a few deep breaths and then held my breath for a minute. When I let it out I felt calmer. "How c-could you do this to m-me?" I was surprised I wasn't screaming in hysteria at them. All of a sudden I couldn't look at any of them anymore and I marched past them, I felt a hand try to grab my arm and I jerked out of this one too.

I made my 9 o'clock appointment. In retrospect, I should have skipped it entirely and disappeared and damn Une and her threats. But I was there. The bastard had listened to the reports from the others, and asked me questions that nearly had me screaming before we were half done. He insisted I talk to him for nearly two hours –through which I stuttered the entire time - before he called Une in. This scared the shit out of me, and I was right to be scared. When Une was in the room, the shrink announced that he thought it would be best if I was put under observation in a facility. And that's all I remember.


	2. Chapter 3

I woke up with a raging headache. It took me a few long moments before I was able to squint enough to try and see where I was, and when I did I let out a soft sob. I was in a stark white room with a large window on one wall, with a small bed with white sheets and a blue blanket. There was a small book shelf a small dresser and a plain chair, which were bolted down. There was also a small toilet and sink. Oh... did I mention that the door had a small window in it and no handle... Yeah. Guess where I was. Une must've sucker 'punched' me, knowing I was about to freak out. I was feeling a little slow, kind of like being a gravity that was too high, and I was groggy. I didn't think the grogginess was from being KO'd...

As I looked around my little room, an overwhelming sense of depression settled over me. I put my back against the wall and pulled my knees up under my chin. I wasn't given long to brood before someone peeked in my window and, seeing that I was awake, unlocked and opened the door. I glared from my perch on the bed.

"Hello, Duo. My name is Dr. Galen. How are you feeling?" I ignored the question and after a while he continued, "Do you know why you're here?" Again, his question was ignored. The man sighed deeply, "Duo, being difficult will not get you out of here any more quickly..." _No, but I can._ The voice in my head made be jump about a foot off my bed. Dr. Galen raised an eyebrow, "Is everything alright." Like I was going to tell him I was hearing voices new. Right. _I will get you out of here, if you let me. _The voice continued and I told it to shut up. I was starting to feel a little hysterical. Dr. Galen sighed again. How about I show you around, Duo," he didn't phrase it as a question, "You're not a prisoner here... you're just staying here for a while."

"How long is a while?" I asked, glaring again. I was glad to hear I wasn't stuttering any more.

He thought for a second, "As long as it takes. We'll work out some medications to help with things, and you'll talk to me several times a week. We'll also work out an official diagnosis. I think with the right treatment, we can get you back to your life in a couple of months."

A couple of... months? I stared at the doctor. How was a couple of months supposed to be a good thing?

"Come on. Let me show you around," the doctor said again. I thought about it for a second and decided that I would have to figure out a way to get myself out of here. I would disappear and find myself a life away from everyone I knew. For the time being, I would cooperate... cooperation would at least let me see what I was dealing with.

He led me around the inside of the building explaining things as he went. The showers were public, of course, and all the patients on the block –all men- showered at the same time, with a guard present. He showed me the common area where there was a TV, several couches and tables with puzzles and games set up. He told me I could also find books here. New books were delivered once a week, donated from libraries and such. I could take as many as I liked and keep them on the shelves in my room. He explained to me that the bedroom doors were locked at 9 o'clock at night and unlocked at 8 am.

Then he took me outside. I was surprised at first, until I saw the number of guards swarming the lawns and the ten foot fences with barbed wire along the top. I watched a few patients wander around. Some gardened, others just sat on the grass, in their own worlds, so to speak.

Dr. Galen smiled, "That's the end of the tour. You're pretty much free to do what you like. Showers are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 10 am, after breakfast which is at 8:30. Lunch is at noon, Supper is at 5 pm. Meals are in the common room. We like to see you spend most of your time in the common room or outside. I have to get back to work. You'll be alright on your own?"

I nodded, and he left me alone. I walked around the yard, thinking about how I might get out of here. I didn't think I'd be able to scale the fence and there were no handy trees that I could climb instead. The bastards knew what they were doing. I puzzled on it for a little longer when a guard came up to me, "Time to go inside," he said, "It's just about supper time." I raised my eyebrow at him and he lowered his eyebrows at me. I decided to get the hint. It would be to conspicuous if I didn't. So I went inside to the common room where the other patients were gathering around a couple of nurses with tray carts who were passing out what looked suspiciously like a tray of hospital food to each person. When I got to the nurse she asked me for my name and then selected a try with my name labelled on it. Before she gave me my tray, she handed me a small paper cup with pills in it and a cup of water. I stared at them for a second, "What are they?" I asked.

She gave me a look, "They're your pills. Take them please. I was about to refuse until I noticed a couple of looming male nurses who looked about ready to pounce. Apparently pills were a necessary in here. So, frowning I tipped them towards my mouth. None of the nurses saw my slight of hand, and none of them saw me tip the pills into my sleeve. I made a show of drinking the water the nurse gave me, and then giving her the empty cups. She handed me my dinner and I made my way to an empty chair, away from the rest of the patients.

I was mildly surprised when I opened my dinner and found warm roast beef. It was actually pretty good too. The beef was a little dry and the gravy needed salt, but I ate it all and returned my tray. I checked out what books were available grabbed one and went back to my room. I sat on my bed for a long time, thinking about things. Then I remembered the voice and goose bumps ran up my arms. Had that been... Shinigami? He had never spoken to me before. It scared me. What if I really was insane?

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but my dreams were dark and filled with whisperings from a voice I didn't know.


	3. Chapters 4 to 7

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all. There was a knocking on my door, and then I heard the sounds of locks being opened and then the door itself opened to a large male nurse with a relatively friendly face.

"Breakfast is starting in five minutes," he announced, and then moved on to let the next patient out of his room.

I sat up slowly and rubbed my face. When I was fully awake, I got up and headed towards the common room. As the nurse had said, the breakfast tray carts were being set up, and a pair of nurses were sorting out the pills. I sat on one of the couches that lined the room, waiting. I didn't have to wait long before the nurses announced that we could come get our breakfast. When It was my turn, the nurse asked for my name. I gave it, and she handed me my pills and water. The pills went into my sleeve as before and I got my breakfast. It was pancakes with real butter and syrup. I had to admit that I was pleased. I'd loved pancakes ever since Heero, of all people, had made them while we were sharing a safehouse.

I ate quietly for a few minutes before I realised that one of my table mates was staring at me. I looked up at him and stared back. He grinned, "What're you in for?" he asked. I was a little surprised at how lucid he seemed although, I suppose, not all mental patients had to be 'crazy'.

I shrugged after a minute, "I don't... really know how to explain it..." I said. He grinned a little.

"One of those, hm?" he asked and I gave him a puzzled look, "There are a few of you around here, who don't thing they belong." He shrugged, "Me? I know I belong here. I put myself here." I stared. "Don't give me that look," he said, "I... didn't want to hurt anyone."

I looked down at my plate, not feeling hungry anymore. He watched me, "You hurt someone, didn't you." It wasn't a question.

I frowned, "I hurt someone in self defence... but..." I shrugged.

He was quiet for a minute and then clapped his fist into the palm of his hand, "Wait. I remember hearing about you! You're the Preventer who went bat shit after being captured on a mission. I heard your partners are the ones that turned you in!"

I was horrified, "H-h-how did y-you know that?" I asked.

He grinned, "I have my sources. You just confirmed them." My face must have been beet red. He shrugged, "Don't worry about it. Most people here have similar stories. It's a sad thing, when the people you are supposed to trust most are the ones who betray you to this place... At least you didn't hurt an innocent."

We talked for a while after a lengthy silence on my part. I learned his name was Jean and he had killed someone while in a fit. He had admit himself, and then confessed to the doctor what had happened; he had waited to confess until the doctors were sure that there was a diagnosis to support his story. I briefly wondered if what he said was true, or if it was just an elaborate hoax. I didn't bother asking; I knew what the answer would be. Jean and I became fast friends.

I had my first appointment with the doc that afternoon. He smiled and was friendly. I answered his questions. We were talking when he asked, "Have you been taking your pills?" I had been in the middle of a sentence and I stopped short.

"P-pardon?" shit shit shit. I was stuttering. I knew that would be a dead giveaway.

He just smiled, "Nevermind. What was it you were saying?" I stared for a second and decided I must have heard wrong.

I talked to him for about an hour, all told, and then he let me go.

I went to my room and read for a little while before it was time for dinner. When I got to the front of the line to get my tray, the nurse handed me my pills. The pills in the cup were different this evening, I looked askance at the nurse.

"The doctor changed some of your prescriptions around," she explained. I wondered about that for a few minutes and then shrugged it off. I pretended to take them and then went to sit with Jean at one of the couches. I ate quickly, returned my tray and then sat with him, talking for a while longer. I don't know when I put my head down, but I remember one of the nurses waking me and helping me to my room. I slept and did not dream.

Chapter 5

I woke up to the sound of my door being unlocked and opened. I felt groggy and sluggish and decided that I must have slept really hard. I lay in bed for a while. I really didn't feel hungry, so I went back to sleep. I wasn't sure how long it was, but there was a knock at my door, and I was told that I had to get up to have a shower. I pushed myself up and was starting to wonder at how groggy I felt. The extra sleep hadn't helped at all.

I was looking forward to the nice warm shower, despite the fact that I had never been partial to public showers. I was the last one there. The other men were already undressing. I idly noticed that I was the youngest there, which was a little surprising. I started by undoing my hair, putting the elastic around my wrist. It had gotten long, I noted; Undone it fell to the back of my knees. I undid the buttons of my institute issue shirt and took it off and then I slid the pants and boxers off too. I was surprised to notice that I was feeling a little self conscious, but no one else seemed to care. We entered the shower area and I went to the first available spout, ignoring the male nurses that were watching us. I grimaced a little at the cheep shampoo bottle there. I would have to hit up one of the guys. That thought stopped me in my tracks and I was overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal. I wondered if Quatre knew, or Trowa. I washed in silence and left the showers. A nurse handed me a towel and I dried off, and then wrapped my hair up. I dressed in the fresh clothes that had been left where I'd left my dirty clothes and then towel dried my hair. I left the towel there and went to my room where I had my brush. I ran it through my hair a few times, and braided it.

There was another knock on my door and a nurse poked her head in to tell me that the doctor wanted to see me after lunch. I was confused. I had seen him just yesterday and he wanted to see me again already?

I was starting to feel a little more awake after my shower, so I read until lunch time. As usual I slipped the pills into my sleeve and took my tray. I sat down with Jean and we ate in silence, and when I was done, one of the nurses collected me. She led me to the Dr. Galen's Office and I was left to wait for just a second before the Dr. Galen joined me. He was strangely quiet as he sat behind his desk. I was starting to shift uncomfortably when Dr. Galen finally spoke.

"How have you been feeling?" He asked.

I blinked at the sudden question, "Okay... tired, I guess."

He nodded, "Good, good," he seemed distracted. I frowned a little. He seemed to come back to himself then, "Come with me Duo."

He stood and opened the door. He waited for me to exit his office before he moved away. He led me through the building to an area I hadn't been shown on the tour. He used his ID card to open a door and waited for me to go in. I stared into the door for a minute before I turned to look at him. He smiled and gestured me in. I went and he followed a second after. The door slid shut behind us. I felt a little antsy.

He moved ahead of me now and I followed slowly to a small room with a large glass window and door on the other end. On the other side was a metal observation table. I felt a chill run up my spine.

"I want to meet him. You're other self."

I was startled, turning to look at Dr. Galen, "N-no. Trust me, you don't."

He smiled at me, "I do. I need to meet him if I'm going to be able to help you."

I shook my head, "N-Not a g-good idea." I was getting a little freaked out.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me suddenly, and I was drawn up short.

"W-what?" I stuttered, and he tilted his head, smiling. I was starting to feel dizzy, actually.

"You should start to feel weak in just a few seconds," It was already starting.

"W-what did y-you do?"

"Just a little something in your lunch. I know you haven't been taking your pills," he said, "Don't worry. You'll be fine."

I had to sit down. I sat for a moment when there was a knock on the door, and a big nurse entered, "You want him on the table?" he asked the doctor who nodded. The nurse came over to me and I scooted back as well as I could, glaring. He ignored my glare and picked me up easily and carried me through the door that the doctor had opened for him.

He placed me on the observation table and proceeded to strap me down. I was breathing heavily. This was such a bad idea.

"D-don't. Y-y-you c-can't d-d-d-do this!" Fuck! I didn't even have the ability it tell them how fucking stupid they were. I fought the restraints but I was weak and they were tight.

The nurse left the room. I didn't think he was going to come back, but he did and he carried a small tray covered with a towel which he held for the doctor.

"Now, Duo, I'm going to inject you with something. It's going to cause hallucinations. Some of them are going to be terrifying. If that doesn't work... we will do what's necessary."

"Th-this is a b-b-bad idea! D-d-d-don't b-be s-s-stupid," I hissed.

Dr. Galen smiled indulgently as he removed the towel from the tray to reveal the syringe. I twisted at the restraints again. Galen then proceeded to lift my sleeve, causing the un-taken pills to fall out. He chuckled softly, before pressing the point of the needle to my arm. I hissed, and then gasped at the fire that the fluid spread through my veins.

It didn't take long. The sensation started with my eyes losing focus, and when they focused in again things were different. Shadows seemed endless, like space, and I started to feel as if they were drawing me in, growing stronger and stronger. I felt my eyes growing wide and I started to feel like the air was being sucked out of the room. I heard a whimper escape from my lips and it was like an explosion of sound.

_Duo. _I gasped. It was him, Shinigami. No! I shut my eyes tight, a high keen escaping my throat as I tried to fight him down.

_Let me out and I'll kill the bastards... _NO!

_I can get you out of here. I know you don't want to be here. They want me to come out..._

The keen was turning into a scream, "Stop! Stop!"

_Let me out! _Shinigami was starting to sound angry, and it terrified me.

_Let me out, Duo! I will kill everyone! I want to kill!_

My scream turned to a panting gasp. It was too much energy to scream. I needed to keep control.

"Duo..." the voice in my ear made me jump so badly I nearly threw up, "It's all right. Let him out."

"No!" I screamed. I heard a sigh and screamed again as pain, enhanced from the drug, lanced up my arm. I looked down and saw a small twisted, grey creature with huge, glowing red eyes biting me. I screamed once more, this time in fear.

_Let me out! They're hurting you! _Screamed to voice in my head. "Let him out! I don't want to hurt you!" screamed the voice in my ear and the creature bit me again. I let out a scream of misery and felt reality slipping and the darkness closing in. And that's all I remember.

Chapter 6

Quatre had dragged them to visit Duo. He had insisted that they had to sort out the feelings of betrayal. He had muttered that the feelings from both sides had been tearing at him and giving him migraines. Then, after last night, he had insisted that something had happened that had terrified Duo and since, he had only been able to feel his friend very vaguely.

Even now, standing outside the hospital, Quatre had a pensive look on his face. Heero and Wufei, both, seemed reluctant to even look at the building. Trowa stood by Quatre who, quite suddenly, began herding everyone inside.

While the outside was warm and welcoming, when they stepped in it immediately became apparent that this was a hospital facility. The walls were white and the floors were white linoleum with grey and beige flecks.

They approached the desk and informed the woman there that they wished to visit Duo. She looked through her charts for a moment and grimaced, "You'll have to speak with his Doctor first. I'll page him." They heard an intercom voice somewhere in the building calling Dr. Galen to the front office. He arrived about five minutes later and talked with the woman for a moment before approaching the group.

"I understand that you want to see Duo," he said. There was something about this man that set Quatre's head buzzing and Heero's shoulders twitching. Quatre was the first to shrug it off, and he nodded and smiled pleasantly.

Dr. Galen sighed a little. "I will allow the visit," he began, "But you'll have to make it short... Duo is not doing well. He has gotten worse. He recently began experiencing hallucinations and has been having bad dreams since. He's also been occasionally violent and we've had to keep giving him a mild sedative."

Heero's face had closed up, hearing the news and Wufei looked a little like he'd been punched in the stomach. Quatre nodded soberly, while Trowa had lapsed into an expressionless facade.

Dr. Galen looked at each of them in turn and then nodded, "If you'll follow me, I'll take you to him."

They followed to Doctor through a gate and up an elevator. They passed through a passcard gate and down a hall into an open common room.

"There he is," the doctor pointed towards a sofa, on which sat a huddled figure. Duo's knees were pulled up and he rested his cheek on them.

Each of Duo's friends stared for a second, and wrenching feeling in their gut. Once again Quatre was the first to recover. He moved around the tables with ease. When he neared the sofa he slowed and then stopped a couple of feet away.

"Duo?" He asked tentatively. Duo lifted his head from his knees with a noticeable effort and turned his face towards his friend. His eyes looked sunken and ringed with dark circles. He was pale, and his hair was unkempt. Quatre was more horrified by what he felt or, rather, what he didn't feel.

Duo smiled then, a pale shadow of his usual mischief, "Quatre." He didn't seem to notice the others, standing a little back. He lost interest quickly and rested his chin on his still raised knees.

Everyone was silent for a minute before Duo, still smiling said, "I want to go home now." Quatre felt his chest tighten and choke him. Glancing back he saw similar reactions in his friends. Even Trowa had lost some of his mask.

Quatre turned back to Duo and moved forward to sit on the couch beside him, "You can't come home yet-" Quatre was interrupted by Duo, "I'm never going to be able to go home. I'm gonna die here." Quatre felt his chest tighten a little more.

"No. Duo. Someday you will come home," This was from Heero, who sounded so sure of that fact. Duo looked up at him and his face hardened.

"No, Heero. They are going to kill me." He raised a bandaged arm to emphasise the point and Quatre gasped in dismay.

"What happened to your arm?" the blonde asked in horror.

Duo blinked and looked at his arm as if he had forgotton he had one, "Oh... that?" he shrugged, "They told me some story about my gouging it... but the wound sure doesn't look like something I did with my fingernails... or my teeth... it's too uniform. But what do I know, right? I'm crazy." He was silent for so long, they were starting to wonder if he would talk again. "Although," the word startled Quatre, "it sure does look like some of the wounds I got when I was caught by the Ozzies that one time..."

"What are you trying to say, Duo?" Wufei asked tentatively.

Duo slowly looked in Wufei's direction and then smiled again, "Does it matter? They'll just tell you I was hallucinating, won't they?" After that, Duo refused to say another word and, while they sat with him for a while, they were eventually asked to leave when the Doctor came into the room. Quatre was the only one to notice the look Duo shot towards the doctor. Neither did he miss the level of awareness in Duo's eyes that hadn't been there while they had visited.

Chapter 7

Quatre was disturbed after the visit with Duo. He didn't know what to think about the change in his friend. Also, it had been almost frightening when that awareness had come to Duo's eyes. He had mentioned it to the others, but none of them seemed to have noticed.

Quatre got back to the office late. He had a lot of work left to do that day, and didn't want to get behind, but something nagged at him. He couldn't seem to figure out what it was. He thought long and deep on the matter, and settled on doing a search on Dr. Galen. The man had a good reputation as a psychiatrist. He was genius smart and had graduated with his doctorate at 25 years old and had since worked at several psychiatric facilities. He seemed to have an unprecedented ability to get to the bottom of a mental issue and help the patient return to a normal life. There was something about him that nagged at Quatre.

There was a knock at the door and Heero entered carrying a sheaf of papers held together by a paperclip, "Here are those records you asked me to find."

The way Heero spoke, caused Quatre to spin in his chair to examine his friend. He sighed, "Heero... I have a question... Did Dr. Galen seem... I don't know... strange to you?

Heero looked straight at Quatre, his face showing his soldier-mode lack-expression. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

Quatre sighed, "I don't know... I've been researching him since we got back... there is something... I don't know. Everything I've found has pointed to him being a perfect psychiatrist..."

The slightest flash of uncertainty broke through onto Heero's expression, "I can take a look, if you want."

Quatre thought for a moment and then nodded. "Please. I think that would be a good idea."

Heero nodded and placed the sheaf of papers down on the desk before leaving the office. Quatre watched him go, staring at the door after he had left. He sighed, took the sheaf and began going over the records within.

It was like... looking at the world through a fog. There was a constant pressure behind my eyes and occasionally the fog would get thick... so thick I couldn't see. That's when He was the strongest; that's when his voice permeated my every thought. It was at those times when I really started to feel like I was about to lose it. It was all I could do to maintain my hold.

Seeing the others had nearly broken me. I wanted so badly to leave with them and when the doctor came back in to ask them to leave, it was almost too much. I was pretty sure Quatre had gotten a glimpse, though.

The night that followed was similar to the last, though the doctor didn't actually hurt me this time. I think he might have been scared. If the other began to visit me regularly then they might start asking pointed questions.

Jean had been avoiding me, as well. I guess I didn't exactly show a welcoming front. I wouldn't have been good company anyway; too much concentration went towards maintaining control.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to one of the orderlies shaking me and calling my name. I blinked and was surprised at how lucid I felt... It was as if Shinigami had given up and left me in control. My eyes filled with tears and I nearly cried in relief.

"C'mon Duo. Time to get to your room." The orderly said.

I nodded and stood up. He followed me to lock my door behind me. I walked into my room and went to my window to see if I could see the moon. I heard the door close behind me and the keys jingle in the lock... on the inside of the door. I turned slowly.

"The doctor asked me to convince you..." he said, "I don't know what he wants me to convince you of, but he's paying me a lot of money to do it."

I stared at the man, "What are you going to do?"

"I haven't decided yet. I figure I'll knock you senseless first, and then go from there."

I felt a shudder roll up my spine at the matter of fact tone of voice. The fact that he hadn't just said that he was going to kick me ass boded badly.

"W-w-what do you th-think got me h-here?" I asked, "I k-killed s-s-someone else w-who tried t-to d-do the same th-thing." I swore a blue-streak in my head at the inevitable stutter.

"So I've heard, but I'm bigger, stronger and smarter than that man was."

I swear I didn't even see it coming. I really did not. His back-handed punch sent me to the floor. Things happened so suddenly from there, that I didn't even have the chance to try to stop anything. Shinigami was there, 'pouncing' on me as soon as I was down. I was up- and I mean about 5 feet in the air when I say that- before I knew what was happening. I landed on the man's chest and felt warm and wet on my hand and then I felt my hand wrap around a shuddering object and it took me a full minute to realise that I had my hand in the orderlies chest, wrapped around his still beating heart.

In my minute of comprehension, I was able to see the look of stark terror cross the orderly's face before, without my consent, my hand closed tight and the look changed to complete agony as his heart was crushed. I watched him die. It was quick but I had a chance to watch the array of emotions cross his face before it was done.

I felt a scream rise in my throat, but it came out as a sob. I wouldn't let myself scream. I found myself moving forward, though I know it wasn't by my own will. I took the keys that hung from the orderly's belt and opened the door. Dr. Galen was there. There was a grin on his face. Shinigami took over my body completely then.

"That was remarkably stupid," I heard the words come out of my mouth in such a cold, almost gravelly voice.

Dr. Galen continued to smile, "Are you going to kill me too, Duo?"

I watched the man for a long moment and then Shinigami answered, "Yes."

I don't know where the knife came from, but Shinigami thrust it at Dr. Galen. It went into his mouth, shattering teeth on the way in, as well as the grin, and slicing through the other side of his neck. The doctor gurgled for a second, and then the knife was jerked from his mouth and slid across his throat.

Shinigami didn't wait for him to die. The main doorway, locked at this time of night, melted away before us and we leapt the 14 ft wall outside. And we were gone...

And I remembered... everything.


End file.
